well, things are looking up. definitely not quite as stressed as i was earlier. i got studying done for my statistics test tomorrow, and finished up all that homework for it. didn't take quite as long as i thought it would. nowi just have to write my research paper proposal on the golden age of florence, italy. should be interesting enough - its probably one of my favorite periods...that is my internal art historian speaking :)
i've really been thinking that if i totally ace my audition, which is in, holy shit, only like 2 weeks, that if i can, i want to go to new york or london over the summer. that would be the most incredible thing, and possibly intern or just work at a coffee shop or something. anything. i want to really do something with myself and my life. something completely different. i've never been really far away from home before - i know it would definitely be a learning experience. so, i really have to work my ass off and try to save as much money as possible, which means no really extraneous spending...don't know if i can pull it off but we'll see. it would be incredible.
i'm sitting here, in my room. with the headphones on and my roomate is with her boyfriend on her bed, and i think they are totally hardcore making out. which is kind of disrespectful and weird. i don't care if they make out, just don't do it when i'm in the room and you end up making me feel like a third wheel, and uncomfortable. its funny. i see her so incredibly clingy to him, like she is so attached. and i think to myself, damn, i really hope i never get like that over a guy. yeah, i mean, i want to love somebody but i don't think i could ever allow myself to be so dependent on somebody else. i don't know, maybe its having another sibling, or having to learn to fend for myself. she's an only child. maybe she's never felt incredibly independent. i have no idea. its so funny. i used to think about being in love all the time - as if it was the most important aspect of my life. and now, i still think it is important. but the spreading love and acceptance that i hold inside of me, in my soul, is what i want to give to the world. when i find that person, and love happens, it will happen. and i'll be ready for it.